When people say, “How did Jesus die?” I say, holy shit, did Jesus die? He was just working the door the other night at the club I went to! Then they say, no, not Jesus (hay-zeus), JESUS. The real Jesus…the one who died on the cross. Oh…uh…I guess he died on the cross?

Well, not so fast missy. A Swedish scholar, who also happens to be an evangelical christian pastor, says maybe he didn’t die on a cross. In fact, he claims that after studying over 900 years worht of ancient texts, the original language that the bible was written in doesn’t actually say “cross.” He says it just says Jesus (not my friend from the bar) carried an execution device to a hill where he was suspended and died. So maybe he was hanged like Jesse James. That would be kind of cool. That would sure be a lot of different paintings of Jesus (the son of god) in all those places they like to hang pictures of Jesus. Can you imagine people worshipping a noose instead of a cross. All those goody goody girls in high school that won’t give it up and hide behind a petite gold cross necklace would actually be wearing a 14k gold noose around their necks. Way more of a turn on than a cross. But when you think about it, it’s really no different. Those goody goody girls are wearing necklaces with execution devices around their necks. Maybe it’s on purpose…a sign of what will happen to you if you try to inappropriately cop a feel or something. “It’s the cross for you, evil groper!”

It sure is pretty though. Ain’t it?

–